it's true...i'm a little....different...
(literary pause for the snide remarks of my dearest friends)
but really...
is there anything in life that makes a girl feel more out of place than...say...
moving to mongolia?
this.....
after five years...people still stop in their tracks to gawk at me...and maybe snap a photo or two as i walk down the street.
and in my (far)less-than-perfect mongolian...i still say things like 'if your son has wool draining from his eyes...you should get some antibiotic ointment.'
...well...i guess so...
and, yes, i still see the value of refrigerating the yogurt over the canned soup in my local grocer's aisle...
*sigh* the list could go on and on...
*sigh* the list could go on and on...
as long as i live here...i am and always will be...different.
and let's not even talk about what a freak i am when i head back to the states, right?
some spend their lives striving for uniqueness...but me?...most days i just want to blend in. to get swallowed up in the sea of conformity and be treated just like everyone else...
and let's not even talk about what a freak i am when i head back to the states, right?
some spend their lives striving for uniqueness...but me?...most days i just want to blend in. to get swallowed up in the sea of conformity and be treated just like everyone else...
the word 'foreigner' in mongolian has the same root as the word 'outside'...i'm an outsider...and the term is woven into every fiber of my existence...
at the store...
'hey look...an outsider just walked in!'
in a taxi...
'hey! i just picked up an outsider'...
(translation...i'm about to make at least 3x my usual fare)
on the playground...
'look, my child, that's not a mongolian is it?...
no that's an outsider'
but as tiring as it can be to hear this every day, everywhere i go...it can serve as a beautiful reminder ~if i let it~...
no matter where i am...as a Jesus follower...i'm called to be an outsider.
not in a 'check-out-that-weirdo' kind of way...
but in a 'that chick gets something i don't...and i need to find out what it is' kind of way...
God's word tells us to transcend...
but when my life happens in a place of comfort...where the motivations and striving of those around me are so familiar...and my role in them so clearly defined...
thankfully in mongolia...where no matter how long or hard i try...i'll always stick out like a hobo at the opera...
God's word tells us to transcend...
to fix our minds on the eternal above the temporal.
to make our lives about so much more than the
meaninglessness that ensnares so many around us...
but when my life happens in a place of comfort...where the motivations and striving of those around me are so familiar...and my role in them so clearly defined...
i hardly notice i'm being sucked in...
i forget...i'm actually still an outsider.
thankfully in mongolia...where no matter how long or hard i try...i'll always stick out like a hobo at the opera...
it's a little easier to remember...
that my culture isn't really found in any country on this planet...
that my identity is actually intertwined with Jesus...
to the point of being indistinguishable...
that my world-view is formed...
no...transformed...
by the truth on the tissue-thin pages of a Book
...breathed by God Himself...
you and i?...we're outsiders...
by His grace so beautifully not of this world...
by His love so contently uncomfortable in it...
3 comments:
Wow. I bless the person who wrote this blog. I know I cannot fully appreciate all that it means to "go to the mission field" and be an outsider. But I do know a message right from the heart of God in the words in this blog.
I pray blessing into the life of every missionary giving up their own lives to do the "Will of the Father".
You are appreciated. Every one of you and your children.
Hey weirdo! I think you're strange in Mongolia and the US but that's why I love you so very, very much! You make me laugh and cry, and sometimes at the same time. Your Seinfeld episode life is so unique that it makes us all want to watch --- wait and see what happens next. Keep up the work, outsider. You're one of a kind!
1. I love your blog
2. This reminded me of something I wrote in my blog when I came to visit. The post was called "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger"
Once the bus cleared out I got a seat next to an older man, reading a newspaper. I was pretty bundled up with my scarf and hat so that only my eyes were showing. I noticed the man glancing over at me a few times but I didn’t really pay much attention to it. Then gradually, he kept leaning forward and would not stop staring at me. I’ve gotten sort of used to people staring at me because I am foreign and especially when I’m out with the Ballingers and their kids. This guy made me feel so awkward though. Carryl kept looking at him funny and later told Stephanie how strange it was. It’s just funny how out of place I’ve felt here sometimes.
It reminded me a lot of something I read the other day though. In the book, ‘Chasing Daylight’, Erwin McManus was describing what it looks like when we follow Christ. He says, “He’s calling us to be spiritual pioneers, explorers, and adventurers. To respond to this calling is to accept that you will be a sojourner relinquishing the security of being a settler. To follow Him is to choose to forever be an alien and stranger in this world. You will never be the ideal citizen or even a permanent resident of this planet we know as earth.”
Sometimes when we do the things that God calls us to, it feels awkward and uncomfortable. But like it says in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” I’m not supposed to “fit in.”‘
3. Keep up the great work! Praying for you and your family often!
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